there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
