My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
