I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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