her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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