I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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