I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
