I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
