i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
