Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
