I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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