Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
