yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
