I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize