worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
