Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
