Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
