Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You made out with two different species that night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
