Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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