I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
