so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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