I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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