Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
