were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
