shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
