Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
