Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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