I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
