no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
