Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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