omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
