i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
