I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
