If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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