I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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