I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
