FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
