oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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