when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
