Sry I called you an 8
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
