Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize