We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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