this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
