i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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