she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
