Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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