Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
