Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
