Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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