Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize