LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
