He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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