On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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