Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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