Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
