try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
