No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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