my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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