I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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