CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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