literally had 100 drinks last night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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