i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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