I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I understand Curling. That high.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
