fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
