the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
