there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
