Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
