apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
