the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
