I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
