There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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