my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
