I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
