he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
