Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
