I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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