he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
