Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im holly from the hills drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
