Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
