hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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