take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
