I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
