Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
