I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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