uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
