i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
