Cold hands, warm shart.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
