I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Holy shit dude........stairs
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
