I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
