I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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