Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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